Logic's Insight: Twilight part 4

Part 4

Reason #4 for hating Twilight: Everything else!

So if you've been paying attention up to this point, then you'll see that Twilight lacks everything that a love story needs to work.  It doesn't have characters that we care about, it doesn't have a relationship dynamic that fits with the story or the choices of the characters, and it's story is dull and stretched out longer than it needs to without anything ever affecting the characters or testing their bonds.  The lore of the saga can't even stay consistent with itself and doesn't leave any room for real dramatic tension.

Despite this, the saga is selling extremely well.  The saga is a gold mine!  The books sell extremely well since the first book's debut and have garnered a moderate amount of critical praise because of it's influence; the movies have grossed a grand total of two and a half billion dollars on a total budget two hundred and fifty thousand dollars; and it has a large and powerfully devoted fanbase.  So some of you might be thinking, with all of this success, surely there must be some merit to Twilight's fame?  Maybe there's something good that you're just missing?

No.

I mean...in a way, there is something about Twilight that draws people...To quote Stephen King, "People are attracted by the stories, by the pace and in the case of Stephenie Meyer, it's very clear that she's writing to a whole generation of girls and opening up kind of a safe joining of love and sex in those books. It's exciting and it's thrilling and it's not particularly threatening because it's not overtly sexual."  Now remember that King also said that Stephenie Meyer couldn't write for shit, and coming from someone like Stephen King, I think you can see why she has done so well in such a short amount of time.

See, the Twilight books really became popular shortly after the Harry Potter book series concluded in Deathly Hallows, a lot of people were left with a hole in what to do.  So, a lot of them, especially the teenage girls, picked up Twilight and it filled in the gap left by Harry Potter's conclusion.  I don't say that this crowd is mainly teenage girls because I'm sexist, I'm just putting out the facts.  Most fans of this series are women, and the highest age demographic of these fans will be in their teenage years.

So when you have a largely teenage crowd, it's pretty easy to keep them hooked in.  Most boys in that age group like to read about action, strength, adventure, badasses who keep going against all odds, men who always get the girl in the end, and people who are in control.  Why?  Because they're still building their identity at this age and these fictional stories give them a guideline.  When it comes to fictional women, they tend to gravitate towards strong-willed, well-endowed, and self-sufficient women who don't need someone to help them.  That's why Samus is so famous to Nintendo fans, because you don't have to slave through the game to save her!

For girl's it's kind of easier, they may not even be looking for a role model.  What they are generally looking for is eye candy, even if that's not all they're looking for, my sister admits that hotness and cuteness tend to hold a girl's attention for longer.  That's why Draco Malfoy is so popular, not because of his complex character or the dilemnas that he has to go through, but because he's handsome and dark.  Chicks tend to gravitate towards that, I guess it's a nurturing impulse or a need to fix something that's troubled...

When making eye candy for the average teenage girl, you first need to adopt a certain trait that this person's going for.  The best way to do that is to look at real life.  What do most teenage girls gun for?  I can tell you that it won't be the nice chivalrous guy or the selfless hard worker, they're more likely to be put in the friend box....sadly...Because they want excitement!  They want something different and new!  Something that won't shackle them down or tell them what to do!

So here's four types of guys that they're most likely to go for:  1) The rich kid; 2) the talented star; 3) the guy with toned muscle; and 4) the boastful and arrogant talker.

Now I'm just going to make this clear, the traits that I just described aren't bad in themselves.  They all have very positive implications behind them.  Someone whose rich, doesn't have to worry about money and can therefore, take care of himself and any girlfriend that they might have.  Not to mention when it comes time for marriage and a family.  The athletic star is an accomplishment champion, someone who has natural talent that they developed to a level of superiority.  It shows that they're committed to an achievement and are motivated to better themselves.  The guy with the toned muscle exercises and takes care of themselves and their health.  It can also mean that they're strong and can protect you when it comes to a fight.  Finally, a boastful and arrogant talker is a seemingly confident individual.  They don't care what other people think about what they do or say, they just want to get the job done.  They're also more assertive and can stand up for themselves.

That being said, what does become a problem is basing a fantasy solely on those four traits without regard for personality, motivations or actions.  Just because you have money, it doesn't mean that you can spend it well if you don't know how to moderate.  Talent is good, but hard work is just as important and being a star doesn't mean you're the best, it just means you're the most popular.  Having a great body is worthless if you don't do anything with it.  Being able to talk and boast may be a sign of confidence, but it can also be a sign of overcompensation.  Just because you don't boast, it doesn't mean you're not confident, maybe you can pick and choose your battles.

Twilight however has all four of these aspects in one package.  That's why Edward and Jacob are so appealing to it's fans.  They're hot; they're from rich families and have some mula themselves, Edward even has his own resort in Rio; they're talented and well respected and feared in their clans; they have hardened and sculpted bodies; and they can get anything that they want for Bella because they're so much stronger and more powerful than humans.  What girl wouldn't fall in love with either one?

One with a brain...

But when you read some stories, sometimes you shut off your brain to enjoy the story.  It's called a suspension of disbelief and it allows even over-thinking guys like me to enjoy sometimes simple stories.  Sometimes this becomes a problem, you're so engrossed in something that you may not realize that it's crap once you're involved on a certain level.  That's the problem with Twilight's main audience, they're looking for superficial qualities and getting them in the bucket loads.  It's a fantasy where an average teenage girl hooks up with a hot vampire who sparkles like diamonds and is the ultimate boyfriend/husband!  What girl wouldn't want to read that?

One with a brain...

In the end, you can't really even blame them.  The truth is, Stephanie Meyer is a master of her craft of marketing and manipulating the minds of teenage girls into buying her books, merchandise, movie tickets, movie bundles and so on.  She must have known perfectly well about the audience that she was writing to and made sure to tailor-make her books to keep them involved.  It's something that a lot of author's do once they discover they're niche.  JK Rowling's success came largely from making her books for children and then following that audience as they got older and maturing her story to better appeal to them.  Stephen King knows that his audience are from the mystery, suspense and adventure crowd and that's how he built his following.  Even JRR Tolkien was mainly directed at the lore-studiers, fantasy, adventure, drama, potential linguists, and medieval crowd.

So what's the problem Reggie?  Why is Twilight's success such a bother to you?

It's influence and themes.

The Twilight Saga encourages all of the wrong things in a love relationship and celebrates them with a happy ending with a bow on top.  As much as I don't want to say that teenage girls are idiots, this story is going to leave an impact on them, especially the ones that never catch on to the crap that they're reading.  Especially with a culture that also subconciously celebrates what Twilight encourages, I'm just kind of scared for future generations.  Books don't just go away, they take up space on a bookshelf and one day, those girls are going to be reading this crap to their poor kids.

It tells girls that being self-sufficient, hard working, goal oriented women isn't important; it tells them that all that is important is finding that one perfect man in your life.  It's just an unrealistic goal that's going to stick to their minds subconciously.  Tells them that its okay when boyfriends sneak into your room and watch you sleep without you knowing; that it's okay to disrespect parents and go out with the bad boy who leaves you months at a time; that it's okay to manipulate the emotions of men to get what you want; that it's okay to get married as soon as your eighteen and not have your own life...There's a reason why my mom's generation is worried about mine...

Influence can make or break a person, either set them up for success or failure.  It can be a breeze that tells you to keep going, or a breath of heat that staggers you and causes you to fall.  Especially with the metaphor of Bella as an average teenage girl who always gets saved and relies on the super strong boyfriend to save her...it has really bad implications that those poor teens are going to have.  See by having an average character who never contributes, your sending a message that the average audience will never excel on their own.  The only way to achieve happiness is to find a man that sparkles and likes you because you're pretty.

As though to say that you have to join a group to be successful.  I don't think Bella ever becomes self-dependent until after she becomes a vampire.  Because part of the popular niche and it's depressing to see how many girls actually follow this.  Just look up how well this series is still doing despite much smarter people than me saying that it's complete shit.  To be fair, I can see someone reading/watching this crap and laughing at how terrible it is.  But even then, there's a point where even they'd have to say that this series is sick.

Fortunately, there's only one more movie left that we'll have to suffer through....

Wait...there's...one more movie...one more movie?!

Why did they split the final book into two movies?  Why are they ripping off Harry Potter?

And it's at the end of the year...that means people are going to be talking about this shit...for another year...

How did we get to this point?  I mean...it's not hard too make a meaningful love story.  Give us two characters, make them fall in love, and let us follow them through a story where we grow to CARE ABOUT THEM!  Then if you want to make a sequel...read the last book and CONTINUE WITH SOMETHING JUST LIKE IT!  Keep the choices that your character has made in mind...AND HAVE THEM FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!

I was never a fan of Twilight and I'm glad that I never was!  I had good decent stuff when I was growing up that didn't keep me from being the man I am now!

Like Gundam!  Which is about smart, intelligent and persevering teenagers who piloted giant robots and...killed thousands of soldiers and...blew up space colonies...in the middle of a war...

Or how about Pokemon!  You get to head out into the world to make your own destiny at the age of...ten years old...and then had to become the very best out of all trainers!  By finding pokemon and....beating them up, taking them out of their natural environment....forcing them into tiny balls and training them to...fight...other pokemon...for some plastic badges...

Or Harry Potter!  Who always had to watch over his shoulder because....something bad always happened to him...every year that he was at school...and he had to go home to an abusive aunt and uncle...

Or Dragonball Z!  Where the heroes tore apart planets by fighting each other...and didn't care about death because they had a magic dragon that could revive them....

Or Star Wars.....and that's a whole other couple of essays right there...

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Here's a question, how do you think I survived my childhood sane?

Peace.

Logic's Insight: Twilight part 3

Part 3

Reason #3 for hating Twilight, the story and lore

At this point, I'm pretty much beating a dead horse.  We don't protagonists that we actually care about, We have a mismatched relationship that we don't care about and it has a dynamic that is completely removed from common sense, so there's really no reason to keep going right?

But what about everyone else?

Ha!  My friend, it really doesn't matter what's going on with everyone else because none of it is ever going to inconvenience the nice little love affair that's going on.  Mainly because the main characters never care about what's happening around them, the surrounding events of a vampire-werewolf war never complicates matters for Bella's upcoming wedding...hell!  The two clans even put up a truce just to keep Bella alive!  Nobody even questions what makes this human woman so special.

Jacob loves her.  So what?  She doesn't really love him!  Why should the other werewolves care that this guy can't take a hint?  If anything, they should be encouraging him to fight the werewolves so they can claim Bella for themselves.  I can see why the Cullens would defend Bella because she's a potential future member and all, but why would they be so willing to form a truce with these werewolves after the other vampires are dealt with?  So that Bella and Edward can have a nice and peaceful wedding where nothing else matters but them.

That's really just touching the surface because you'd think a werewolf-vampire-newblood vampire war would be epic and would be a central point of conflict and tension in this tale.  But nope, everything revolves around the growing love between Bella and Edward.  I'm not just saying that because the love story is a central point in the story, I'm fine with that.  What I don't like is when a love story becomes so obstructive with the rest of the story that readers can have a hard time keeping up with the actual story that is supposed to affect the love story.

Remember the relationships that I had mentioned in part 1?  Most of those pairings weren't even in actual love stories.  They were character subplots that were a part of a larger plot and story.  They influenced character motivations and decisions, but they didn't take away from the overarching story.  Even with stories where the love story is the central plot, you can't have the characters not interact with or react to situations outside of their love relationship.  It makes them seem hallow, as though they don't have any other purpose than to fall in love and if that's all you're going to do then it cheapens the character.  What are you going to do with the character after the love story/subplot is resolved?  Well since you've never added any thought to the story, there's really nothing else.

I don't like pointless drama either, but something has to happen to show that the characters are invested in their relationship.  I'm going to bring up two examples that demonstrates this point.  One is from an anime called Gundam 8th MS Team and the other is the outline for a story that I made up in my head while I was writing this essay.  The latter of the two is probably garbage, but at least it has more meat than Twilight ever could.  I'm no JK Rowling, but I've written fanfics that made more sense and better character relationships than Twilight and again, they're fanfics!

Gundam 8th MS Team takes place during a war between the earth federation and people who live in space colonies who formed a group called Zeon.  They fly around fighting inside giant robots, engaging in ship to ship combat, and even drop asteroids, nukes, and colonies on top of each other.  During this conflict, a robot (mobile suit) commander encounters a Zeon pilot.  At first they were trying to kill each other, but get stranded in the middle of a wrecked colony.  So they have to work together and through that experience, they form a bond that grows into an infatuation and even love.  The next time they meet, they get stranded out in the middle of a desert and during that time, they're bond grows into love as they discuss the war and how it's a stupid war.  They reveal their motivations for fighting and struggle through their newly formed ideas.  When they go back to their respective groups, the experience influences their decisions and they decide to fight for peace.  But their colleagues outright laugh at them and even attempt to kill them for their beliefs.  By the end of the show, they drop out of knowledge and are declared dead.  This allows them to go off by themselves and have a happy ending, but they still bare the scars of the war that their story was set in.  The Zeon pilot was forced to kill her insane brother when he went rogue with their project.  The earth pilot was labeled a deserter and lost his leg saving the lives of the comrades who had labeled him a traitor...it's a bitter but sweet ending where nothing came without a price.

The second is the outline for an interacial love story set during the Depression Era and World War 2.  During the depression era, a white and a black family are forced to work together to survive due to the depression situation and two children from those families bond and become friends.  Years later when America's entering the war, the two of them are teenagers learning about love and...the truth behind the stork.  They grow infatuated with each other, but as you all know, white people really didn't like black people back then and black people were more than happy to return the distrust.  So their infatuation grows into love despite pressure from both their families and the society around them telling them that they should stay in their place.  Two years later, the black boy, we'll call him Terrell, enlists in the army when they start letting blacks fight and marries the white girl, we'll call her Jane, in secret by a priest from their childhood.  The rest of the story is them dealing with the consequences of their actions.  Jane becomes pregnant while Terrell is on the European or Pacific Theater and she has to deal with both her family and Terrell's family who may or may not pressure her into "getting rid of the child" or putting the child up for adoption and forgetting about Terrell.  She'll suffer mental and even physical torment for her decision, but she'll choose to wait and raise her child with Terrell.  When he comes back, if he comes back, Terrell will be scared and bitter with a country that still hates him.  He'll also have to deal with becoming a father while handling post traumatic stress from what he went through in the war.  The story will end on a cliffhanger where the couple ponder leaving for Europe or Asia to raise their child without facing the prejudice that they've had to deal with all of their life.

And I'll admit, the second paragraph story pitch needs work.  The Gundam love story even has a Disney love time line issue since those two only meet twice before their declaration of love.  But you know what, those two are a lot better than Twilight because their stories don't ignore the outside world.  Even if the love story is in it's own little box, the outside story should still knock it around and even intrude.  It introduces conflict and a chance for character development and an opportunity to deepen the bond in that love dynamic.

When everything works out perfectly well, then there's really not much to root for.  I'm not talking about a love story having a happy ending despite impossible odds.  I'm talking about never challenging the characters to really work for that happy ending.  That's the biggest problem with Twilight's story, from day one, no one ever has to work for squat because it's going to be guaranteed.  We all know that Bella's going to become a vampire, it just took longer than it should have, we all know that her and Edward are going to have a happily ever after, Jacob's just there to screw with the mindset of teenage girls who taught that Edward was shallow.

That's another problem with Twilight's story.  There's so little even in the love story, that everything feels draining and drawn out.  The main plot points of the saga could easily be condensed into a single book or maybe even two.  But four books and five movies?  That's pushing it!  Matilda had more substance than this entire saga and that's only one book.  Then again, Matilda is a million times better written and it's titular character is a much better role model than Bella, so I probably shouldn't be surprised.

Remember what I said about the story working out to Bella and Edward's convenience?  Breaking Dawn is the exemplary example of how this occurs.  The biggest reason that even a lot Twilight fans don't like it is because it breaks it's own rules without explanation or reason.  Edward is a vampire, vampires don't have blood in their system and therefore...can't sow their royal oats.  But despite that, Edward still impregnates human Bella and the child is growing at an incredibly fast rate.  How did Edward impregnate Bella despite it being impossible by the author's own words and writing?  Why is it growing so damn fast?  How was Edward able to turn Bella into a vampire even though she had already died in childbirth?

Hell, even the final conflict in the story is handled insultingly well, especially given all of the build up.  There has never been a human-vampire hybrid in a long time, so a secret vampire group could possibly threaten to kill the child who grows way too fast...but that conflict is easily resolved through diplomacy and showing that Renesmaia...whatever, is no threat to vampire society.  No one even bats an eyelash at how she's barely a year old and already imprinted onto a werewolf whose already in his twenties.  No, no, happily ever after...

What?

I could also go on about the physiology of vampires and how it's all wrong as well.  But that's more of an artistic complaint, it's not the first time that vampires have been written as being able to walk in sunlight.  Some vampires can walk in daylight under certain circumstances.  The main woman from Underworld was able to find a way to walk in daylight and Blade is half-vampire, so he can also go out in daylight.  I think there's even a story with Dracula doing that.  What ticks me off about the vampires and werewolves in Twilight is that they have no weaknesses.  They're the paragons and strength and beauty with no flaws or any apparent mortality.

With the vampires, sunlight doesn't work, it just makes them sparkle...driving a stake through them won't work, they're too strong and swift to get close enough or even to get the stake to penetrate...Holy water or holy ground doesn't work, some of these vampires are Christians!  With werewolves...they can transform whenever they want so there's not point in waiting for them to become vulnerable, they're really fast, strong and have a healing factor so I don't think silver bullets or silver weapons will do the trick...assuming that you can even hit them...

Plus, there's no real antagonist.  Sure, rogue vampires show up once in a while, but they're motivation is either weak or something that isn't necessarily evil or unexpected of vampires.  There's nothing that drives Bella or Edward...it's just...dull...

That's the best way to describe any semblance of story that this saga has...dull...

Then is this series doing so DAMN WELL?  I think I can clarify that in my next installment.

Logic's Insight: Twilight part 2

Part 2

Reason #2 for hating Twilight, the relationship and dynamic

So we all know that Twilight's entire infrastructure is no longer valid because the central characters of the love story fail to make us care about them.  Without that, we don't care about them getting together or about what might happen because of it.

But let's pretend that physical features can constitute a bond and that we care about them for a few minutes.  It wouldn't matter because everything about their relationship and the dynamic it holds is wrong.  Everything about their little tale is so horribly wrong.

You see, every love story has a certain dynamic that affects it's mood and tone, kind of like an overarching cloud that the story lies within.  These dynamics come out in how the love story plays out and can wildly vary since love stories are so diverse and numerous.

Here's a few examples:  Passsionate but forbidden romance; an animosity that still remains despite a growing attachment; childhood sweethearts; the knight and his princess; interracial relationships; intercultural relationships; interspecies relationships; Being friends with benefits; wartime loves; a pair in an on and off relationship rollercooster; strained lovers; arranged pairs; fraternization; Pretending to be in love and eventually actually falling in love; the seemingly odd couple that no one saw coming; the chatty one and the quiet one; the nice one and the jerk; one person is manipulating the feelings of the other for their own gain; and then there's people who just like to bang and that's it.

Each one of these types of relationships has a dynamic that is going to affect how the story plays out and how it will end.  The relationship has some traits that make it stand out even when it might not be at the forefront of the story.  Childhood sweethearts who remain a pair from kids up to adulthood is going to be a lot happier in tone than a forbidden romance.  Interspecies relationships like say between a human and a quarian has a lot more issues working against it than the friends with benefits situation.

It's also going to affect the mood of the story.  As much as people hate the star wars prequels, I'm probably in the minority who actually enjoyed the love story between Anakin and Padme.  It was a forbidden romance that was doomed to tragedy despite the goodness and nobility of the characters and it worked for the increasingly dark and depressing mood of the star wars prequels.

The paradigm of a knight and his princess is mainly one of a hero and the girl that he has to go save.  Maybe she was genuinely captured by something that she couldn't handle on her own, she's in tight spot and can't get out without help, or she's a dumbass in distress who really shouldn't be in that situation, but the hero's going to save her regardless.  This especially prevelent in anime and manga like Bleach or Inuyasha and it seems pretty simple at first glance.  However, the girl getting saved is eventually going to feel like a burden because the main character is getting hurt to save them.  She'll feel guilty, unworthy of his devotion and loyalty, weak, powerless, and she'll probably go through an arc where she decides to stop letting him do things for himself.  This will inspire her to get some kind of training to either support him or she'll take a level in badass and start fighting alongside him.  She'll still make mistakes and stumble a lot and she may still have to be saved a few times, but in time she'll pay back the favor by saving the hero when he's in his darkest hour or provide a constant emotional support that he may need.

A relationship where manipulation or falsehood are in play may have some bright spots, but's going to end badly.  Take the main characters in Gone in the Wind for example, Rhett clearly loved Scarlet from the start, but she was in love with a soldier who had married her best friend and already had a family.  So she toyed around with Rhett and even married him and had a daughter, but she still pined for the soldier.  By the time she finally got her head out of the gutter, Rhett came to conclude that despite his wealth, his charming good looks, his devotion, and his love for her that Scarlet would never truly love her.  So that movie ends pretty sadly with Rhett getting fed up with Scarlet's games and walking out on her and frankly not giving a damn about what she does from there.  This worked for the story and is one of the reasons that Gone with the Wind is one of the best regarded movies of all time.

Then there's the odd couple, the pair that nobody say coming, except for diehard fans who saw all of the foreshadowing and put the pieces together.  Often characters in the story and the audience will wonder what one character sees in the other.  Usually this will involve a genius, beautiful, and high teir individual falling in love with and maybe even marrying what others consider to be undesirable, clumsy, weird, or something about them that that just spells, "reject".  Even the lucky interest will sometimes ask themself how they got so lucky.  Sometimes we never find out the answer, other times the answer is so simple that it brings a smile to our faces.  Like Roger Rabbit ending up with the hot as hell Jessica Rabbit because he makes her laugh; Vegeta and Bulma getting together and starting a family with Bulma still retaining all of her bones and limbs and Vegeta actually caring for his family; Yuna falling for that whinny little scrappy Tidus in Final Fantasy X; or or Riza Hawkeye falling for a guy who wants to become Fuhrer and create a law requiring all female officers to wear tiny mini-skirts!

(Okay, that last one is actually a pretty well-written relationship, I just found that very funny)

Here's another paradigm called the strained lovers.  This is when two characters started out really being in love, but the circumstance of the story splits them apart and when they're together, so much has changed that that the bond could go either way.  They'll work to still stay together despite the change, or they'll conclude that it's too late and move on with their lives.  Take Ten Commandments for example, in the movie, Moses and the woman who was engaged to Rameses had a bond.  But after Moses discovered the truth about his heritage as a hebrew and was eventually exiled for murdering the egyptian torturer, the woman, Bethy might have been her name, married Rameses and despite not loving him, comes to enjoy the power of authority, has a son and is much more of a venomous and vengeful person when Moses returns as God's messenger of deliverance.  She even eggs on and pressures Rameses into continuing to defy Moses' demands despite the obvious stupidity in denying the guy whose apparently causing water to turn to blood by touching it with his staff.  By the end of the movie, Bethy is left miserable, her son is dead, her kingdom ruined and humiliated and all she has left is a pharoah husband who was so broken that he couldn't even kill her in anger.  Moses on the other hand, has moved on, he's married with two sons, the leader of the Hebrew people and he leads a long faithful and productive life as a servant of God.  It's kind of bittersweet even when the parting of ways is for the best, it leaves a question of "What if?"

Lastly is my personal favorite, the animosity that remains despite the growing bond.  At TV tropes, it's as "slap, slap, kiss, kiss" trope and is generally referred to as a love-hate relationship.  This involves two characters who are initially distrustful, prejudiced, hostile or outright violent to each other from the start of the story.  Maybe they come from two warring clans and they've been raised to hate each other;  Maybe they come from conflicting cultures that have a dark history between them; maybe one did something to the other in the past; or maybe they just don't like each other.  But circumstances will emerge to put these two into contact with each other.  Overtime, they'll get to know each other as they're animosity cools to better work together and may even come to realize that they're more alike than they were previously willing to admit.  After that, they start to grow attached to each other despite their misgivings, but then something will happen and they will form a bond.  Even though the animosity might still remain to some degree, the story usually plays it for laughs or as something akin to an arguing couple.

Again, none of these paradigms are strictly as they're defined, some can be subtle while others are quiet.  They don't even have to end the same way, but the dynamic of the relationship still remains.  The details of what they do when they're together, how they act, what they talk about, how they came to become a couple, the pressing concern that they'll have to deal with, the hurdles that is causing a rift in their trust, the mistakes that one or both of them make and the reaction to it, and how it all plays out before the audience.

So what's the dynamic of Twilight's relationship?

I don't really know to be perfectly honest...It presents itself as a fantasy-type relationship when it really plays out like a manipulative or shallow relationship but still gets a happy ending like it was a fantasy-type relationship.  It...it doesn't feel like how an actual relationship would go...I just can't picture any person who in their right mind would marry someone else based solely on their looks and their wealth after barely a year of knowing each other.

And remember all of those traits that I had listed out for Edward and Bella while looking for a personality?  Oh wait!  We're assuming that they have one for this section...anyway, I did not make any of that stuff up, all of that stuff actually happened and it didn't interfere with their happy ending at the end.  Not once do the books appropriately address the negative connotations that Edward constantly sneaks into Bella's room without her knowledge and possibly consent since it's always a "pleasant" surprise and with complete disregard for respect towards the household of Bella's father.  Never once does Edward get ticked that Bella is toying with Jacob or that she kisses him after she was engaged to Edward.  All he says is that, "She needs about herself more and that she things about herself too much."

Hold it....

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WAIT A MINUTE!

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.....Excuse me...I just realized how stupid that last sentence was....

Any realistic person, even the most stoic and seemingly unattached man would at least have a few words to say about their woman pining for another man and put their foot down.  See, when a love interest gets upset about something that the other one does, it's not out of venom, it's because they might feel like they're being led on or betrayed and they want to know that the other person's feelings are genuine.  Sometimes this leads to a fallout, or maybe a confession will ensue and forgiveness will tenderly come.  It all depends on the personality of the characters and the dynamic of their relationship.

For instance, I'm a really big fan of bioware mainly because of the strong writing that they're games have.  They could easily be translated into movies or anime with the right direction.  Another reason is that the situations of the relationships that you can form is actually pretty close to reality.  In the first game, you can hook up with an opposite gender human assuming that you didn't leave them to die in during the game.  This is going to contain spoilers, but long story short, you kind of died in the beginning of the second game and a blackwater pro-human cooperation brings you back to life and even rebuilds your ship to allow you to form your own team.  But once you meet up with the love interest from the last game, they're kind of ticked about you working with the blackwater corp. and basically dump you. The strength of the writing is that you could easily interrupt that scene as either a fall-out or a break up.  The love interest has every reason to be ticked at you, but you're as much in the right or even more so considering that you were dead to say she's not worth the time and hook up with a member of your team.

Reactions like this show that the characters have emotions and that they care about their relationship, and when we care about the character and they care about their relationship, the audience can also come to care as well.  But with the pair from Twilight, I don't feel anything about their bond.  There's nothing that constitutes a deeper relationship between these two other than that Edward's hot and Bella's blood is alluring, I...we are never shown anything deeper than physical traits.  Hell, Bella can somehow shield her mind from Edward's..."mind reading ability" and if you're so in love with someone that you'd marry them after a short amount of time, why do you need a shield?  Don't you trust Edward to respect your privacy?  You know...like he does when he sneaks into your room to watch you sleep?

Every trait that I can see point to this relationship ending horribly from book one and it's not just because of the vampire-human dynamic.  It's because the tone of this tale is completely mismatched with everything that's happening! Like it's celebrating women who can't take care of themselves and need a muscle-bound boy to look after them!  Like it's applauding the stalker for threatening his wife to have an abortion and calls his unborn child a monster!  Like it's celebrating Bella's leading on of and manipulation of Jacob!  The story never sees them suffer appropriately for very negative actions and traits and that makes the dynamic unrealistic and practically nonexistent.  When people do negative things to each other in real life, there's a penalty in some degree and everyone suffers for it.

Even Disney movies have a more believable love dynamic and most of those are formed with the span of a week!  And when the relationship in the Little Mermaid, formed over three days, is more believable than your's; when Up, whose entire love arc lasted five minutes and was still better written than your's...STOP WRITING LOVE STORIES!

These are the two big reasons why Twilight fails as a love story.  The characters are unbelievable and we don't care about them and the love dynamic is wrong and we don't care about it.  If you're in the group who actually think that this love story holds water....please take a little piece of paper, write the words: "Insert name's" Common Sense and then rip it in half!

It's not because you like love stories, I actually like several myself.

It's not because you like vampires, Blade is one of my favorite superheroes.

It's not because you like eyecandy, who doesn't?

But as I'll explain later, Twilight takes those three sentences and twists them into a messed up fantasy completely removed from reality or common sense.  Lord of the Rings is more grounded than Twilight and I won't lie, the books are hard to read through, especially the Silmarrilion.

Bare with me for a little longer and I'll show you how the chain is further broken by these two points....

Logic's Insight: Twilight Part 1

Part 1: Reason #1 for hating Twilight: The main characters

 I may annoy a few people if I bring up a future point again and again and again. But it's such a pivotal one that it can't be ignored.

A love story is a tale about two characters who meet, form a bond that grows into a dynamic of love, and the rest of the story is about how that relationship is tested.

That last sentence, is the best summary that I can think of for why a life story either succeeds or fails. The first thing you need to have a love story or any kind of story for that matter, is a protagonist. In the case of the love story, two protagonists or a protagonist and his love interest.

Here's some basic examples from popular media:

Miroku and Sango from Inuyasha, Ron and Hermoine from Harry Potter, Master Chief and Cortana from Halo (it's weird), Pazu and Sheeta from Castle in the Sky, Any Bioware hero and the love interest of their choice, Cloud and Tifa from Final Fantasy VII, Aragorn and Arwen from Lord of the Rings, Cyclops and Jean Grey from X-Men, Linus and Charlie Brown's sister from Peanuts, Han Solo and Leia, Mario and Peach, Link and Zelda, Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese, Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, Scarlet and Rhett from Gone with the Wind, Simon and Nia from Gurren Lagann, Heero Yuy and Relena from Gundam Wing, Katniss and Peeta from the Hunger Games, Edward Elric and Winry Rockbell from Fullmetal Alchemist, Roger Smith and Dorothy from Big O, Hitomi and Van from Escaflowne, Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon, James Martin and Nonnie Parry from the Posiedon Adventure, and Romeo and Juliet from...the play named after them.

If anyone can think of another pair then feel free to mention them.

Generally these characters are people who may have never met before, but they can also have met at a previous occasion before the story began. They could've have been childhood friends who meeting for the first time in years as older people or they do have a connection, but it has stayed cool and inactive for some reason. Whatever the reason, the story will bring up a situation that will bring these two into close and/or consistent contact for a long period of time.

They share they're plights with each other, trust each other with things about their past that might still haunt them, and eventually come to rely on each other. This constitutes the building of a bond that overtime becomes attraction and then grows further into love, at least most of the time.

I'll get into that last sentence in my next part, but the point remains that for a love story to work, you need to have two characters, two fleshed out and fully written three-dimensional characters that we can follow and grow attached to. These characters need to meet, to butt heads and get dizzy, then lean on each other to get their dizzy selves out the door without falling. Generally, even if your love story isn't all that emmy-worthy, if you can at least get readers to care about your characters as characters, then you're doing something right.

So with everything that I just pointed out to you, I ask a simple question...

Why should we care about Bella or Edward?

I am not convinced that they are characters, at least the kind that we should be rooting for. These two are presented as the main lovers of Twilight, but is their bond something that we could call...love? What do we even know about these two aside from their physical traits, what they look like, or what they can do?

I don't to bring up the Redlettermedia challenge again to be able say that these two are so poorly written that cardboard cutout characters are more believable than them.

But wait...there is something that we can see about either of their personalities, and that is their actions. See, actions tend to speak louder than words and really show what a person has on the inside. So...I guess we can gauge some kind of personality from their actions and I may have to take back what I said earlier.

So let's start with Bella: Meets a vampire and wants him to turn her into one; Never gives any reason beyond his looks for why she loves Edward; Cuts herself and throws herself off cliffs just so she can see him when he leaves; leads on a decent werewolf boy and then dumps him when Edward comes back; kisses the werewolf boy after getting engaged to Edward; stops talking to her friends after getting with Edward and then gets pissed when they stop talking to her; Never gives a damn or is bothered about the vampire-werewolf war that starts because of her; Constantly manipulates the werewolf to get what she wants because he still likes her; gets married right out of highschool at the age of 18 when she hasn't known edward for more than a year; didn't use protection on the honeymoon and is stunned when she ends up pregnant (there's a reason, but it's a poorly explained one and she still should have done something if she didn't want a kid anyway); lies to her father and bitches him out when he's rightfully worried for her; Never does anything for herself and always has Edward or the werewolf boy (Jacob was his name I think) do everything for her and carry her everywhere; Is an admitted author avatar for Stephenie Meyer; Is unreasonably okay with having her newborn baby imprinted onto Jacob and...admittingly, I may have missed something, but I'm sure that I have enough to gauge her character.

Bella is a selfish, uncaring, pretentious, manipulative, self-centered, idiotic, clingy, shallow, desperate, and considering my Top 12 bitches who need a slap list, this woman is almost up there with the white bitch from Rosewood. If that was Stephanie Meyer's intention...to create a tragic, flawed woman who would serve as the catalyst for a depressing tale...well, she still screwed up.

Instead, Bella is supposed to represent the every day, average, American teenage girl. In some ways...in some very scary ways, Bella is spot on for the worst of them while leaving out the vast majority of probably flawed and imperfect, but still decent and intelligent girls to rot in the dust. Not only that, but this story celebrates this as a means to gaining a happily ever after! It's so removed from reality that it doesn't make sense. Even the biggest gold-diggers out there wouldn't act as...stupid as this woman did.

Now for Edward, maybe he'll come off as a better character? After all, he does save Bella most of the time and doesn't rip out her throat like most vampires would. Maybe there is something under that pretty boy face.

Let's find out: Is madly attracted to Bella's blood despite being a veggie vampire; considers killing her and twenty other students to remove witnesses; Sneaks into her bedroom on multiple occasions; Leaves her for no reason and says that he doesn't love her; Still sneaks into Bella's bedroom despite being banned by a perfectly reasonable father; Is perfectly cool with his fiance having feelings for Jacob and even kissing him; decides to marry her even though they've barely known each other for a year and she's just turning 18 while he's close to being a hundred; On their honeymoon, he breaks her body in multiple places during intercourse; is stunned when his fiancee is pregnant despite the fact that they did the nasty without protection; attempts to force Bella into having an abortion; threatens to disown her if she doesn't because she's being "selfish"; Is perfectly cool with Jacob being around even though he still clearly has feelings for Bella; Is perfectly cool with having his newborn baby imprinted onto Jacob; and I could go on, but I think we have enough.

Edward is...an overprotective, creepy, controlling, cold, harsh, bitter, selfish, border-line abusive, emo, whiny, tortured for no reason, manipulative stalker! Half of the stuff that I just read off could easily be attributed to evil characters who like to get a kick out of the pain of their victims! This guy sounds like he'd be the perfect sadistic second-in command to a reasonable overlord.

Here, he's presented as every woman's wet dream. He sparkles in daylight instead of burning like he should; he's a pretty boy; he has a nice body that he doesn't have to work for; he's strong and fast; he can read your mind whether you want him to or not; and he's rich enough to have his own resort on an island off of Rio de Janiaro. Even the author has admitted to being willing to walk out on her family if he were to show up at her doorstep.

So I'll break it down for you. These two characters are supposed to be the people that we care about. But in truth, they're so horribly presented and unbelievable that it takes you out of whatever story that they're trying to tell. Especially since, the tone for the story that these two characters are in is so wrong! You can't have a happy, love story where two people meet and eventually marry with two characters that have traits that would never fly in real life!

And that is the first link that breaks any believability in this love story. If we can't build a connection with these characters, then we don't care about them getting together or what they might do! Without your characters, there is no bond; without the bond, you have no love story; without your love story, there is no story since the overall story is centered around the love story! This is the most basic reason why Twilight fails as both a story and a love story!

I could stop here since the chain's already broken...but I'm only getting started my friends!

Logic's Insight: Twilight - Introduction

Anyone ever met someone who they had a bad feeling about from the start? Maybe they didn't put themselves out in the open as often, seemed like nice people and looked legitimately trustworthy. Even then, they just seemed like someone you could have a good time with. But you had a bad feeling about this person that only grew the more you hung out with them. Eventually you see them for the manipulative jerk that they really are and see signs that they'll cause trouble. But you look around to see that many of your friends don't see what you see until...the person does something.

 That would be the best way to sum up the Twilight Saga. While at first glance, it appears to be a teenage love story about a girl who falls in love with a vampire despite the obvious danger. Good or bad, the premise isn't terrible in itself, in short, it's a nice set up for a decent read. Unfortunately, Twilight is much...much...worse...

There is a three word phrase that I can use to sum up my feelings for this series: POS. The reason I'm using an ancronym is because I've decided to decrease the amount of curse words used and so I can use them more sparingly for the stuff about this series that REALLY ticks me off. My point is that Twilight has become akin to what some called the Prequel saga. But while the prequels were only base breakers and haven't really damaged the Star Wars legacy beyond repair, I cannot say the same for Twilight. Just like the Bible is still around after thousands of years, Twilight is unfortunately going to remain a stain on human intelligence. An immortal written shrine to humanity's potential for literary genocide by tainting an otherwise reputable genre of books for generations to come.

And if you think I hate Twilight because it's a love story, then I would kindly disagree. True, I'm more of a character/story fan myself. In a way, it's really not hard to entertain me when it comes to movies, books, comics, anime, manga, video games, plays or etc. If I can find a character or a story point that I like, then I'll enjoy the overall product, even if it's only a mediocre product at worst.

The reason I hate Twilight is because it fails in what it presents itself as. The second big reason is that despite how it fails, I am constantly baffled at how well the books sell and the box office results for the movies. Even critics didn't like the movies, but people went to watch them anyway...this series has just as much fans as the Harry Potter series when it probably doesn't deserve more than a 1/20th (I'm being kind here) of what Harry Potter had.

So you might be asking my friends...why do I hate Twilight? I can break it down into four main reasons that have nothing to do with my personal taste in entertainment. These reasons really center around how Twilight fails in the area that it's supposed to be in.

 Here they are and I'll be expanding on them over time:

1) The main characters

 2) The Relationship development and dynamics

3) The Story

4) Everything else!

But it's not going to matter in the end, because this series has made it's author, Stephanie Meyer, rich beyond what some think she deserves. It has a fanbase somehow...people actually paid money to buy books beyond the first one...they cosplay as characters from this series...people see the main characters as ideal boyfriends/girlfriends...it's just...

Someone throw me a bone here, if you have any insight that you'd like to share then please do. Until next time my friends.

Theseus and the war of Immortals

The best way to tick people off? Make a movie that completely trashes their culture and inaccurately portrays them.

This sort of controversy is especially true in the United States with it's dark and troubled upbringing that most people today still don't feel comfortable about talking about.

But on the lighter side, movies based around Greek mythology and/or history also tend to tick off specialists and researchers who spend their who lives studying the many tales of this nation. Some movies, such as the Hercules television show are accepted for entertainment value and allowed to live. Others, such as Troy with Brad Pitt and Eric Bana; Disney's Hercules; and Frank Miller's 300 have two people who call for those movie's destruction for every five who liked them.

In late 2011, another movie was released to similar treatment. Directed by Tarsem, I bring you Immortals.

First, I'm going to start off by saying that I loved this movie. It wasn't perfect, but it was pretty likable and somewhat energetic. I also liked that this presented in the tone of an interpretation instead an actual "This is how it happened" tone that earlier movies did. This way, I can take out that this is supposed to be based on Greek mythology and still enjoy the movie on face value.

I saw it at a local theater with my cousin as sort of an early birthday present and sadly missed the first few minutes of the movie. But from what I gather, I didn't miss so much that I wouldn't understand the movie. It also helped that my cousin was able to explain to me what I had missed.

The story follows a "very" loose adaptation of the Greek Myths, mainly borrowing from the Titanomachy, Theseus and the Minotaur, and a few unique tidbits from directer Tarsem. Theseus is a young man who is outcast for being the product of rape who is also subtly mentored by an old man(played by John Hurt) who is eventually revealed to by Zeus in disguise. Zeus and his fellow gods cannot directly intervene in the affairs of man and so Zeus is training Theseus to one day save the world from Evil King Hyperion.

Eventually, Hyperion's army finds Theseus' town and does what evil armies usually do to defenseless towns. Theseus tries to defend his home and mother in a very visually and engaging sequence where Theseus kills half of the troops before he is inevitably overwhelmed and forced to watch as Hyperion murders his mother before sending him to a Salt Mine to work himself to death.

Why didn't Hyperion recruit him?

Anyway, at the mine, Theseus comes across Nycomedes, a priest who cut out his own tongue, a thief called Stavros who is unusually good with weaponry, and a virgin oracle named Phaedra who foresees a possiblity of Theseus joining with Hyperion and bringing about the earth's doom. The night they all arrive, the Phaedra's guards/decoys set off a distraction that allows Theseus, Phaedra and their new companions escape and begin their quest to find the Epirus Bow before Hyperion does.

Without giving away too much, the story unfolds in ways that are predictable with a few surprises along the way. The only stand-outs amongst the cast that I saw were Stavros and Hyperion.

To me, Hyperion(played by Mickey Rourke) is almost a perfect villain. He has a sympathetic backstory detailing a general disgust with the absence with the gods for allowing his family to die. So he does what any rational person would do, turn evil, and decide to find a bow powerful enough to unleash the imprisoned titans and destroy the world. Despite his very clear cruelty and lack of care for human lives, he does have a warped sense of honor. When a captain from his enemies tries to join him, Hyperion treats the man with disgust for being a traitor and...did something that made me cringe.

Three key words: Giant Hammer Crouch.

Stavros is what you would expect from the unbelieving skeptical rogue. He doesn't turn away from how hopeless and grim the entire big picture looks and constantly recommends going in the direction that doesn't involve an agonizing death. But for some reason, he stays with the group and eventually forms a begrudging bond with Theseus and as circumstances whittle down the heroes numbers, Stavros is endearing enough to make you hope that he survives to the end.

Zeus' mindset may have some people call him an idiot, but he has the best of intentions. He believes that mankind has a strength that will allow them to grow stronger and that divine intervention will only stagnate that potential strength. There are even times when he himself may seem unsure of his convictions and is clearly struggling not to agree with the viewpoints of his fellow gods. To me, he is like a parent who sees his child walking through a troubled alley. The parent doesn't want the child to be harmed, but they know that the child needs to walk on their own to one day grow.

Not to say that everyone else was bad. Theseus is presented as an every-man and unlike most contemporary heroes, he mainly stays focused on his goal of killing Hyperion, even if he doesn't know how to accomplish that task. Zeus' fellow gods, Athena, Ares, Poseidon, and etc constantly argue with each other over the place of gods in the mortal world and whether it is right for them to intervene or not.

The setting makes for an interesting interpretation, a nice mixture of CG (Computer Graphics) and Actual sets show off bleak environments set across towns close to sheer cliffs, a landscape that tells the mood of despair, and in general helps tell additional tidbits of the story in addition to exposition and the characters.

The actions scenes are pretty cool and reminescent of the visual style of 300. But while that story was a comic based on an exaggeration of a historical event, this story places gritty details across the whole story and not just in the action scenes. The art design isn't completely unique, but it is effective at distinguishing the defenders from the bad guys and the mortals from the immortals.

So yes, I like this movie and I also believe that it is an effective interpretation of the greek myths it is based on. But due to a few major plot inconsistencies or oddities and some details about the interpretations of the actual minotaur and the titans, I would call it a decent movie, just slightly above average and barely borderline good.

If you want to watch a good action movie with a semi-plausible story, likable characters, and an interpretation of the Greek mythology, then go ahead and check out the movie. Otherwise, this is one story of Immortality that can be skipped without penalty.